


Human

by emmagnetised



Series: All The Little Lights [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Happily Ever After AU, Multi, The Avengers Won, The Wyvern, Tony Stark's Sister, Trauma, one shots, team fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 09:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21268460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmagnetised/pseuds/emmagnetised
Summary: Not every day is a good day





	Human

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Disassociation, panic attacks, memories of trauma.

The room was small. About nine feet by five, lined by blank metal shelves frosted with ice. Maggie paced the length of the room once the mission was over, her heart clenching at the sharp bite of cold in the air and the blank metal door with its round, thick glass window.

The crime syndicate the warehouse belonged to had used this freezer room to store the temperature-sensitive pharmaceuticals they smuggled into the country. And when the Avengers had arrived to take down their operation, one of their hired mercenaries had managed to lock Bucky inside this room for two whole minutes.

Maggie eyed the crumpled door and the deep finger gouges in the metal. There was a smear of blood in a dent in the wall. She reached out and traced the shape of knuckles. Her breath was white vapor in the air.

Slowly, she moved the door until it was almost shut. The cold pressed against her exposed skin, making her ears and the tip of her nose burn, and she lifted her gaze to the round glass window with its frost-laced edges. She could just see her reflection in the glass.

She closed her eyes.

Maggie had gone to find Bucky at the end of the mission and discovered him outside the warehouse on the gravel, clutching his hair. He'd flinched at the sound of her footsteps, and when she approached he scrambled away, his eyes wild and his face deathly pale. He'd looked into her wide eyes and groaned "_no_".

She'd seen in his frantic blue eyes that he was seeing another her, another time.

"Maggie." Steve's voice was soft in her commpiece. "He's on the Quinjet now, we think we're ready to take off."

"Is he… is he ready to see me?"

A short pause followed. Maggie leant her forehead against the frozen glass.

"Yeah," Steve eventually replied. "Let's go home."

Bucky kept to himself on the flight home, squirrely and flinching at the slightest noise. He did shoot Maggie a heartwrenching, guilt-ridden look that nearly made her burst into tears, but he couldn't bring himself to speak.

Tony kept his arm firm around Maggie's shoulders the whole flight back.

After undergoing the mandatory physical and psychiatric assessment at the facility, Bucky retreated. For a whole day he kept to his room, taking long showers so hot that he came out with his skin lobster red. He allowed Maggie to stay with him, and though he was still mostly nonverbal she could see relief in his eyes whenever he looked up and saw her. That night Maggie intended to sleep on the couch but he softly asked her to come to bed. They kept the heating on all night and wrapped themselves in blankets and each other, and though Maggie was sweaty and uncomfortable Bucky managed at least a few hours of sleep before he woke screaming.

The others noticed his reaction, of course, but they didn't say anything that wasn't helpful. When Bucky walked into the common room with dark rings under his eyes they didn't coddle him, but made him coffee and brought him gently into the conversation. Even Tony was nicer than usual. Steve didn't hover, but he was there for Bucky whenever he needed him. When Morgan showed up in the afternoon after school, she drew Bucky out of his shell by chattering about her history class and playing with the floating, glowing algae Maggie had brought her from space.

Bucky got better over the days, and discussed the incident with his therapist, but he was still utterly silent on the subject with everyone else. Maggie held him close or gave him space whenever he needed either, and tried to shake her own feeling of… lingering horror. That was what had struck her deep to her core when she'd seen Bucky's face like that. Like he was right back in those cold, bloody years of waking, death, and sleeping.

* * *

Three weeks later, Maggie woke up disoriented from an unremembered nightmare. She rolled over, saw Bucky snoring into his pillow, and used the rush of fondness to calm her racing heart. She had a perfectly normal day planned, and the analysts didn't have any missions on the horizon.

Steve dropped a glass at breakfast. Maggie flinched at the noise and then, as the others teased the pink-cheeked Steve, her eyes caught on the glinting edges of the broken glass.

She stayed behind after breakfast to watch the news with Pepper, before washing up her dishes and heading to the workshop. On her way out of the common room she heard a snatch of Russian from the TV.

Around mid morning Maggie and Tony got called out of the workshop to the science labs, where Bruce and Jane Foster had something to show them: Thor had been providing them with extraterrestrial soil and rock samples from his journeys with the Guardians, mostly as a hobby, and they had uncovered some exciting readings. Maggie helped Bruce operate a Bunsen burner to incinerate one of the glowing rock samples, and when they turned off the device the fire flickered behind her eyes. She blinked, but the afterimage of flames continued to burn against her retinas.

In the corridor outside the labs on her way to lunch, Maggie passed a nurse walking by with a tray full of needles.

Bucky met her on the way to the employee mess hall, ready with a teasing quip, and they strode down the corridor together while he told her about what he and Steve had been working on with the analysts.

And then Bucky touched her back.

For five seconds Maggie's mind was _gone. _She would never remember those five seconds, which wasn't much compared to the swathes of missing time from the first twenty five years of her life, but was an eternity now that she was years away from HYDRA and free.

When the five seconds were gone and consciousness returned, Maggie realized she was… on the ground. Crouched. And in the dark.

Maggie blinked, and saw metal. _Wings. _Her wings were out and draped around her like a protective shell. Her chest heaved, her heart pounded, and her elbow ached.

Slowly, carefully, she parted her wings and peeked out into the light beyond.

Bucky was there, and her breath rushed from her lungs.

"Your name is Margaret Stark," he said, low and certain. "You're in the Avengers Facility. I'm Bucky, and you're safe. There's no danger here."

After a few seconds Maggie's wings parted fully, folding into her back, and she shakily got to her feet. Her metal prosthetic scraped on the floor and made shivers dance up and down her spine. Her eyes darted to the perimeters of the corridor and the exits – she trusted Bucky, but she needed to be sure. Then she looked back to him.

A bruise was blooming on his jaw. For a second Maggie merely stared at it, confused, until she connected the swollen red stain with the ache in her elbow. She traced it back: the blackness, the fear, the touch on her shoulder.

Her face must have showed something truly horrible, because Bucky blanched and his hands rose. "No, doll – it's okay. It's okay."

But she shook her head and backtracked, her wings sliding back into their moorings. Her heart was a pounding drum in her chest. Bucky took a step toward her, his face wrenched, and she turned on her heel and ran.

As she ran horror surged through her veins and flooded her chest, a raging whirlpool of choking emotion.

_HYDRA was five years ago_, she thought frantically as her feet pounded against the ground. _I'm meant to be fixed, people trust me now. _Her breathing lanced sharp in her throat. _I'm an Avenger, I'm a _person. _What does it mean if I can still lose control like that? What does it mean that I can hurt someone, let alone _Bucky?

She ran instinctively in the direction of the cells. _What if it had been someone more fragile? _Her stomach flipped. _Morgan._

Just as she reached the block of reinforced, highly-monitored cells, Bucky caught up with her. He skidded to a halt in front of her, blocking her path, and stared her down.

"Don't you dare punish yourself like that," he said, his tone so forceful that she actually took a step back. "You don't belong in a cage."

Suddenly motionless, Maggie was struck by how loud her own breathing was – her shaking gasps echoed off the corridor walls. She trembled and her hands instinctively clenched.

Bucky kept his posture non-combative as he dropped into a murmur: "Come with me. I promise I won't touch you."

Her knees shook. That promise was for her: because he knew better than most how terrified of herself she was. It was a promise that said _you won't hurt anyone._

She nodded.

Bucky walked out to the wide lawn of the facility, the sun gleaming gold on his arm, and Maggie followed. He walked out to the middle of the expanse of grass and stopped.

Maggie stopped a few feet away from him and the shivers chasing up and down her spine begin to ease; there were no walls boxing her in out here, just the sky which stretched wide and blue around her. Sunshine streamed onto her face and a breeze cooled her sweaty forehead.

Bucky met Maggie's eyes. "Breathing," he said.

Maggie closed her eyes and went through the breathing exercises she'd taught herself years ago. Long, deep breaths in through her nose, slow exhale through her mouth. _Breathe in the good, breathe out the bad._ She tensed and relaxed her muscles, starting with her toes and working up to her face. She unfurled her wings and let the sensation of the breeze against her metal synapses calm her down. After a few more moments, she kicked off her shoes and let her bare feet (well, foot) sink into the grass.

When she opened her eyes again Bucky was still in front of her. He cocked his head. "Talking?"

She nodded. "I should."

His mouth quirked up. "Alright. But no apologizing."

Her eyes rested on his bruise: the swelling was already going down, but it was a nasty purple color. "I need to."

"You don't."

"No, Bucky, I… I need to." She met his eyes so he could see the desperate, sickened guilt swirling inside her. After a moment, he sighed and inclined his head.

Maggie stepped toward him and touched his jaw, her fingers gentle against the inflamed skin. Her gut twisted.

"Bucky… I am so, _so _sorry. I never wanted to hurt you ever again, and I…" her voice became strangled. "I couldn't stop myself. That _shouldn't be an excuse._ What if I–"

"No what ifs," he said softly. "This is not you breaking, Meg. This is you healing."

"It doesn't feel like it."

His eyes flicked up to hers, and the determination in his gaze took her breath away. "I promise it is."

Maggie could tell that he wanted to touch her, to reassure her that she was whole and human, but he didn't move. She was glad for it. She still felt shaky and breakable, and though she felt calmer after the breathing exercises her skin was still crawling.

She breathed out. "Can we sit down?"

They sat together on the warm summer grass where insects flitted and the sun shone down on them. Maggie's wings brushed against the grass. Bucky leaned back with his hands on the ground and his face tilted up to the sky, squinting against the sun.

Bucky talked first. He finally told her about the dark places he had gone to when that metal door trapped him in a frozen box. He talked about what he remembered of all the times he'd been cryofrozen by HYDRA, what had gone through the Soldier's head in the seconds before they froze him. He told her a memory: the Wyvern's dark eyes boring into his, flickering with unsurfaced emotions, before frost encroached on his vision and the world went dark. Maggie cried with Bucky, and they ended up lying side by side on the grass with their hands clasped.

When it was her turn, Maggie retraced her day: the dozen small triggers that had crept up in the back of her mind before exploding. As Bucky talked her through her mounting anxiety, Maggie reflected that she needed to pay more attention to herself, to the trouble brewing in her own mind. She'd known she was a bit off kilter today, but she'd just carried on.

"I should have taken a break," she murmured. "Done things that made me feel safe, instead of on edge. Relaxing."

Bucky squeezed her hand and told her about what he planned to do from now on to remind himself that he wasn't trapped in his past.

Their conversation reminded Maggie of sleepless nights they'd spent in forgotten safehouses, reminding each other to breathe, to remember, to be kind to themselves. _You're a person. _She held Bucky's hand tight, feeling impossibly lucky that they'd come so far and seen so much, and still had each other.

Tony and Steve came outside to check on them half an hour later, finding them lying together on the grass with their eyes red and their limbs drained of energy. F.R.I.D.A.Y. had kept everyone updated on the situation. Tony had wanted to help immediately, but he and the others saw that Maggie and Bucky had it covered and left them alone.

Tony and Steve brought snacks. Maggie and Bucky sat up and accepted the chips and energy drinks with much gratitude, though they were too tired to do much more than mumble 'thank you' before they started eating.

Tony cast a suspicious look at the ground before gingerly sitting down beside his sister. "You up for a hug, Maggot?"

She swallowed her mouthful of chips. "I… I don't want to hurt you." She felt more or less like she occupied her own head now, but after a dissociative fugue, panic attack and her current state of exhaustion she wanted to err on the side of caution.

Tony cocked his head. "Do you think you will?"

"I really hope not."

"Let's give it a go." Tony opened his arms and Maggie leaned in to hug him. His arms were gentle around her back, and after a moment of tense panic Maggie eased into it. His dark suit had been warmed by the sun, and she buried her face in his shoulder to let the warmth wash through her.

When she pulled away a few moments later, she looked over to see Steve hand Bucky an ice pack. Steve caught Maggie's guilty look and his eyes softened.

"How do you feel about two hugs?" he asked.

She smiled shakily and nodded, and soon found herself laughing at the way Steve tentatively, earnestly, wrapped his massive arms around her. It was the strangest hug she'd ever had the pleasure to receive, and she squeezed him tightly to show her thanks.

Once Maggie had been thoroughly hugged and fed she flopped back on the grass, feeling loose-limbed and sleepy. Bucky sat beside her, running his metal fingers through the grass.

Tony got to his feet. "Are you two staying out here?"

"Don't think we're ready to go inside just yet," Maggie sighed.

"Why is that?" Tony asked. There was no judgement or annoyance in his voice, just curiosity.

Maggie waved at Bucky, and he explained for her. "Walls. Canned air. Hard surfaces." The corner of his mouth ticked up. "People."

"Fair enough," Tony agreed. But he and Steve didn't walk away, just stood there watching them for a few more moments. Maggie tilted her head so she could see them, and noticed that they were trading a meaning-loaded glance.

"What?" she asked.

Tony looked down at her and put his hands on his hips. "I was just…" he cocked his head. "When Steve and I were looking for you two, we weren't – or at least I wasn't – expecting to find… this." He gestured to the two of them reclining in the sun with their fingers tangled. Tony ran a hand through his hair. "I was expecting… disassociation, lack of identity and memory, and…" he sighed. "To be honest, after everything I'd discovered I didn't have a lot of hope of finding much human left."

Maggie felt like she should flinch, but she just felt sad.

Tony continued. "And then we found you, and… do you remember, Maggie? That first time we spoke in the helicopter? You asked if I was alright. And then you asked if _Rhodey _was alright. I was so surprised that you had that in you. Little did I know that you had a whole _person _in you, all… funny, and brave, and… I've run out of adjectives, Rogers, help me out."

Steve seemed happy to continue: "I think what Tony's saying is that you both somehow, incredibly, beat all the odds. No one expected that much from you, and we were wrong for that. So I think you can forgive yourselves a few bad days."

Bucky's fingers tightened around Maggie's.

Maggie sort of felt like hugging them again, but after a few more friendly words Tony and Steve headed back into the facility.

She watched them go. "We've got good people, Bucky."

He rolled onto his side to face her. "We sure do."

For the rest of the afternoon Maggie and Bucky lay on the Avengers Facility lawn, talking lazily in the sun and picking out shapes in the clouds.

Other Avengers came out to check on them throughout the afternoon with offerings of snacks, drinks, and sunblock. Some just drifted past to squint up at the sky and share a few kind words. Vision brought out Maggie's iPod so they could listen to music, and told them "I am consistently humbled by both of your capacities to overcome trauma and better the world around you," which made Maggie cry and ended up in yet _another _hug. Pepper came out with Morgan after picking her up from school and didn't go back inside until Morgan had gotten both of them to laugh. Maggie watched her niece gently trace the mechanical patterns of her prosthetic leg and thought _I'm healing, not breaking. __I will never hurt you._

Thor sat cross legged with them in the grass, looking up at the blank sky, and told them about the complex and beautiful realms out there beyond the blue.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jane blew something up in the lab and Bruce had nearly the closest thing he'd had to a 'Hulk-out' since he'd fully melded with the Hulk. Darcy (who'd been appointed lab manager) yelled at Jane, and unseen by the rest of them Bruce slipped out of the lab and walked outside.

Maggie and Bucky saw him sitting alone in the middle of the lawn, his head bowed, and without exchanging a word they brought him green tea in a massive thermos, and a pile of cookies.

When they approached and set down the offerings Bruce smiled tiredly at them, not even pretending that the smile reached his eyes. They helped him eat the cookies, and a few hours later Bruce went to his room to go to sleep.

* * *

Three weeks later it was Rhodey – nightmares of falling. Bucky sat with him on the grass under the ink black sky.

* * *

When the whirling thoughts and feelings crowded inside the facility got too much Wanda would go out to the middle of the lawn and just stand there, her face turned to the sky, until the red light sparking around her fingers softened to a glow.

* * *

One cool Saturday morning Natasha brought Bucky and Maggie to the lawn. Not to talk, but to teach them ballet positions. The redhead calmly explained the moves and showed them how to hold their arms and position their feet, and gradually the hardness in her eyes eased. When Maggie flowed from third to fourth position, her bare feet sliding over the grass, and received a smile from the former assassin, she reflected that this lesson somehow communicated so much more than words could.

Sam came out to the lawn at the end of the lesson and looked around, taking in the wide expanse of grass and the way the white buildings of the facility seemed small. He turned to the three of them standing breathless and sweaty in the grass.

"This is a good spot you've got here."

"Never had a place like this growing up," Bucky replied.

Maggie knew he was referring to growing up in the city, to being fenced in by crowded buildings and roads, but she saw Natasha's eyes darken a little in response to the statement.

She sighed. "I don't think any of us did." She looked Natasha in the eyes. "But we do now."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this wasn't quite as feel good as the others! I've had lots of great suggestions for one shots, I might not get to them any time soon but I promise they're on my list 😊
> 
> In the meantime, if you're not aware I've started a new story! Go check out [The Siren](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21146762/chapters/50327951) for tiny kid Steve Rogers and his scheming lady love, set in the tumultuous years of the 1930s and 40s.
> 
> Sneak peek for the next one shot (not sure when I'll post it):
> 
> *
> 
> _Maggie had overheard a conversation between Wanda and Vision in the kitchen:_
> 
> _"I can sense… another mind in the facility. One I can't account for."_
> 
> _"An intruder?"_
> 
> _"I'm not sure. This mind is… difficult to read. I can't catch any thoughts familiar to me, and I'm very confused but I don't think the mind is dangerous. I don't know what to do."_
> 
> _"Stay alert to your surroundings. And the moment you sense any danger you can alert F.R.I.D.A.Y. or any of the rest of us, you know that."_
> 
> _"… I know."_


End file.
